It's taken me quite a while to realise it, or rather quite a while to think about it, but the dynamic of my conversations and more specifically my participation in them has been completely messed up as a consequense of what happened to me all those years ago.
If you think about breaking down the 'art of conversation' , there are a few key elements in there:
You have to have something to say or a point to make
You have to have an audience that have an interest in point you're trying to make
The point that you're trying to make or what you're trying to say has to kick off something of interest or link to the previous/current chat in some way or form
The audience have to respect your opinion and believe that it has something that will add to or drive the conversation on further
You have to be prepared to add the content to, answer the question or give a relevant opinion when you're asked to do so
(Ok, there are going to be a whole load of more things but that's all I can think of, sitting in the study, on a raining Friday morning!)
Having bits of your brain mashed up, missing and obliterated will mean that how you handle the changes to these is difficult, frustrating and ultimately depressing in relation to your perception of your own self-worth. After all, for most people who withdraw from things or withdraw from life itself, it's going to be because they think that everyone's life will go on as normal if they're not there anymore. Although you'll have a whole load of people telling you that you do add to things or you're wrong about your perception of yourself, it's all pretty patronising as you're not bloody stupid and you know you're actually right about all of this.
Putting aside all of the emotional bits 'n bobs for a moment and looking at the practical points that i've listed above, there are a host of common reasons as to why these have cropped up. If you start saying these things to a therapist, they're most likely going to insult your intellect a bit by trying firing a whole load of 'coping mechanisms' at you. Now, don't get me wrong, their approaches are based on valid scientific research and their 'heart's in the right place' but in most cases you're going to learn far more from people with similar experiences and philosophies than you are from those who've been trained to gather your symptoms and then come up with text book approaches to dealing with them.
Now... after i've concluded that the points I listed above are the ones that i've needed to / am needing to face, the approach to conversation itself is a mountain to climb and to continue that often used analogy, i've not even managed to get my boots on yet.
Now, this is a bit difficult to get your head around, but the first person i've been looking at at the moment is actually, none other than....
I know, it's a hard one to get your head around, but i'll go through this and a bit more about the points i've spoken about at a later date.